The invisible space

After a full 3 years of silence, something personal awakens for this post on this faithful Sunday of the 2nd advent. Thus far the last two months this year has been dark, wet and moody. It is my first taste after motherhood hormones of the unstable and depressive mood swings. I have been floating on air with happy hormones while being a nursing mum to my toddler. And now the cracks are splitting up again to what being normal is like, except now I feel exhausted and emptied caring for a toddler.

Today at Sunday service, both Joakim and I received a respite to breathe while our Youth Pastor took care of Noah at Sunday school and adventure. The preaching was from Luke gospel chapter 1 where Mary was visited by an angel who foretold about the birth of Jesus. God was certainly with us, "Emmanuel". Theological research mentioned that God was silent for 400 years until this faithful day where an angel announced God's work through a young girl named Mary, who was a nobody really.

My heart was filled with the essence of this message, not only reminding me of God's miracle work in making me bear fruit as a mother after 13 year of infertility; and essentially giving me strength to fight my moodiness and fatigue as a mother. The word invisible used to describe Mary also strikes a cord with me. That is my space since I moved to Sweden and being a mother. An invisible space I find myself to be in more often than not.

I suspect that I have been rejecting this space, unable to get used to it. I should embrace this space, if it is so meant to be, for a while. 

Copyright © Joanne Bergenwall Aw