The invisible space

After a full 3 years of silence, something personal awakens for this post on this faithful Sunday of the 2nd advent. Thus far the last two months this year has been dark, wet and moody. It is my first taste after motherhood hormones of the unstable and depressive mood swings. I have been floating on air with happy hormones while being a nursing mum to my toddler. And now the cracks are splitting up again to what being normal is like, except now I feel exhausted and emptied caring for a toddler.

Today at Sunday service, both Joakim and I received a respite to breathe while our Youth Pastor took care of Noah at Sunday school and adventure. The preaching was from Luke gospel chapter 1 where Mary was visited by an angel who foretold about the birth of Jesus. God was certainly with us, "Emmanuel". Theological research mentioned that God was silent for 400 years until this faithful day where an angel announced God's work through a young girl named Mary, who was a nobody really.

My heart was filled with the essence of this message, not only reminding me of God's miracle work in making me bear fruit as a mother after 13 year of infertility; and essentially giving me strength to fight my moodiness and fatigue as a mother. The word invisible used to describe Mary also strikes a cord with me. That is my space since I moved to Sweden and being a mother. An invisible space I find myself to be in more often than not.

I suspect that I have been rejecting this space, unable to get used to it. I should embrace this space, if it is so meant to be, for a while. 

Copyright © Joanne Bergenwall Aw

A penny worth of boost

崩大碗（Centella asiatica）又名积雪草、落得打、雷公根、蚶殼草
清熱生津、涼血解毒、活血消腫、清利濕熱
主治跌打損傷、外伤出血、治療疮毒等
用於各種熱病引起的高熱、煩渴、咽喉腫痛以及多種食物、藥物中毒
助於除去過多的液體、減少疲勞及憂鬱、增加性衝動、縮小組織和刺激中樞神經系統
可中和血酸和降低體溫，促進傷口的癒合，對於靜脈曲張和心臟、肝臟功能有益
對於心血管疾病、疲勞、結締組織疾病、腎結石、食慾不佳和睡眠疾病均有幫助
Pennywort commonly known as centella and gotu kola
Gotu kola is used to treat varicose veins and chronic venous insufficiency and in ointments to treat psoriasis and help heal minor wounds, thanks to its triterpenoids contents. Studies have also shown positive effects on anxiety and scleroderma.
Salletsspikblad

10 crowns
For more than 10 health boosters
Very much worthy is this common roadside medicinal plant

Copyright © Joanne Bergenwall Aw

Indonesia: used for sambai oi peuga-ga, an Aceh type of salad, and is also mixed into asinan in Bogor.

Vietnam and Thailand: used for preparing a drink or can be eaten in raw form in salads or cold rolls. 

Nam bai bua bok By Takeaway - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, 
https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19572942

Malayisa: used for ulam, a type of Malay salad.

India: used in summer drink thandaayye. It is known as vallarai in Tamil. It is an important component of unave marunthuconcept which translates to food is medicine. Vallarai Kootu is a dish made out of centella and Dal. Vallarai thuvaiyal/thugaiyal, poriyal, spice podi (to be mixed with rice and ghee) and chutney are all various applications of centella in home cooking.

Sri Lanka: often prepared as malluma (මැල්ලුම), a traditional accompaniment to rice and curry, and goes especially well with vegetarian dishes, such as dhal, and jackfruit or pumpkin curry. It is considered quite nutritious. In addition to finely chopped gotu kola,malluma almost always contains grated coconut, and may also contain finely chopped green chilis, chili powder, turmeric powder and lime(or lemon) juice. A variation of the nutritious porridge known as kola kenda is also made with gotu kola by the Sinhalese people of Sri Lanka. Kola Kenda is made with very well-boiled red rice (with extra liquid), coconut milk and gotu kola, which is pureed. 

Bangladesh: mashed centella is eaten with rice.

The heart of Melissa officinalis

蜜蜂花
促进食欲消化
有止痛的效果， 除头痛、腹痛、牙痛
调理呼吸系统疾病
镇静情绪

Lemonbalm
Antioxidant
Reduction in plasma DNA damage
Anxiolytic, mild sedative or calming agent effective at reducing stress (The major compound responsible for GABA transaminase inhibition activity in lemon balm was then found to be rosmarinic acid), improve mood and mental performance

Citronmeliss aka Hjärtansfröjd (The heart's delight)
Mot nervösa magbesvär och vid nervositet
Drogen verkar lugnande och kramplösande vid nervösa magbesvär
I stora doser är drogen allmänt lugnande (sedativ verkan), sänker ett lätt förhöjt blodtryck blodtryk och sänker pulsen
Verkande ämnen är eterisk olja med citral, citronellal, bärnstenssyra, kaffesyra och garvämnen

Jehovah rophi
Note: William Edwin Boardman besökte 1880 Sverige och skrev efter besöket The Lord that healeth Thee (Jehova-Rophi) (1881, svensk översättning Herren din läkare 1882).

There is baby Linnea
And botany
There is sunlight in abundance
There are divine food and nourishments
These are our hearts' delight

Copyright © Joanne Bergenwall Aw

Unknown quotes handed forward in yellow notes

"mistakes are proof that you are trying"

"speak the truth even when your voice shakes"

Monday

The summary of my first monday morning after migrating back to homeland singapore comprises of random kindled observations that goes like this:

Mobile alarm has been set at 9am since arrival, but this is the first day I woke up to it. Dad is already up, probably disturbed by the drilling construction coming from somewhere in the vicinity of our block of 4-storey flat. The sun was beaming in making slanted rays of energy-giving glows on the ceramic kitchen floor tiles. Mum and 6th aunt are still asleep.

I made myself an instant 3in1 coffee mix whilst dad go about making tea and other condiments for the altar gods and forefathers. 

Now, today, on another first monday since my return to this bustling city from my revisitation to Sweden, the haze is covering all facades, walls and window panes with an PSI (Pollutant Standards Index) of 111 (and still to soar). I have moved from my parents' flat to a rented hive mounted into a 25-storey block; from woodlands on the northern shores towards bukit panjang which is more central.

6th aunt has passed on from dust to dust last autumn. Mum is suffering from some elusive sort of chronic nerve disorders and pains since more than a year ago, even prior to her hysterectomy last autumn that removed an cyst made up of mucous non-malicious epithelial (thankfully). Dad has been recently diagnosed with osteophytes from rays invented by Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen. Mother-in-law will soon start rehab after her hip operation. Uncle bear has just been diagnosed with adenocarcinoma (malignant epithelial) that probably originate from the lungs and chemo starts tomorrow. These are just some of the "allt dessa tråkiga" that I care to relate from my mindstrings. "All these bores" is best to be drawn out on a monday.

If I am not fearful of death, I would not have gotten my 5th dosage of Tick-borne Encephalitis TBE vaccine this summer, would I? It is unlikely, but I can still feel the numbness on my arm around where the injection went in.

On this awfully hazy day, I can only wish everyone an asymptomatic death of peace, when the inescapable death comes knocking upon our bolted doors.

We are indeed mortals.

"Being attentive to the needs of others might not be the point of life, but it is the work of life. It can be messy, and painful, and almost impossibly difficult. But it is not something we give. It is what we get in exchange for having to die." - Johnathan Safran Foer, Middlebury College 2013 commencement address

Copyright © Joanne Bergenwall Aw

Aglet

  Another Useless Fact:  an aglet is the plastic or metal tip of the shoelace

Green efforts comes in waves

In UK, studies show one in four men are less enthusiastic about the eco wave as compared to one in six women.

Has green fatigue really kicked in or has being green become instilled as a way or life? Read http://www.bemoreeco.com/2010/10/18/green-fatigue-hits-campaign-to-reduce-carbon-footprint/

Breakie box

Alas! A guilt free breakfast (economical bee hoon with a slice of luncheon meat and sunny side up egg) by my work desk.

Breakie is purchased from level 2 cafeteria and packed using my brand new "tool box" made by Daiso Japan! There is even a sliding tray for saucering my all-time favourite green cut chilli drenched in white vinegar.

No more damned single use and throw styrofoam packets that get incinerated into horrid toxic waste.

Bebe is finally doing her little part as a resident on planet green earth. It took me time to hunt down the right box and I dreaded the 3 horrid weeks of "malpractice" on my part. Next project is the purchase of a nice thermos mug so that I can takeaway traditional coffee/ tea/ ying yang from level 2 cafeteria with my very own mug!

Go green you too! Bring your own box for takeaways if you must takeaway. Boycott single use plastic and styrofoam as much as you can. Be a eco-friendly foodie.

p.s. Bebe bought a similar breakie box for kimmie too so we can go green together. Yeah! Bebe will get kimmie your very own thermos mug too.

Copyright © Joanne Bergenwall Aw

Glow!

What is involved in the art of glowing? Are there pre-requisites for innate genetic correlations in order to form unspoken bonds that illuminate?

Late night tea session at Ya Kun @Northpoint Yishun with mummy after visiting sixth auntie at Khoo Teck Phuat Hospital KTPH level 8 bed 28 turned out to be yummy for both the taste buds and heart petals. No sugar was needed to bring forth the sweetness of our tea stories, just the dedicated art of traditional tea-making and story telling costing S$3.00 and 3 hours.

Stories told by naturing hearts are received with gratitude and tenderness. Maternal bonding is an universal art, taught by nature and trained under day-to-day practicalities through trial and error. There is no right and wrong formulas, just love in a constant striving motion. There is no way to get it perfect at one shot, but instead one must have the diplomacy to not give up on one another, be it mother/ father to daughter/ son or daughter/ son to mother/ father etc.

A man named Ah Koon perhaps never expect Ya Kun to become a legacy when he started out making simple aromatic coffee and kaya toast in his cubicle at 15-B Cross Street. Wooden bench sleeping and many more struggles and sacrifices were pre-requisites from many young men striving to become men back in those days.

My grandfathers did the same, and my father did the same. Was this all acts of training and character building so that one day they may embrace paternal instincts with agility? Was not our forefathers' act of enduring hardship an indirect way of loving and naturing too to make up for the masculine deficiencies in expressing tender loving care?

Would it be possible to leave behind a legacy after our short lived lives on earth? A legacy of loving, bonding, making sacrifices and sharing? Glow bebe, pearly, philip, choon tee, kimmie, baba, kurre, susan, and rolle glow! May tea and coffee stories continue to unfold and unravel the love hidden within us for one another.

An orange pantry

It's amazingly how colours can define the day. An orange pantry at my work sphere might not sound like much but I only have a hearty memory of the time spent there. Black leather sinky sofasets, table soccer, orange and white vinyl kitchen cabinets complete with an island and bar stool, it's a happy place. Best of all is the view from the 17th storey it commands and it only gets better by sunset.

Aboard bus 700 I combed through my galaxyphone for an impression from my work sphere to blog. Here it is on the exterior: Revenue House coiled in deep green.

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